CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
