I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
