so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
