She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
