I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
