This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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