I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i've created a new STD.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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