Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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