I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
