giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
