Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.