why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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