Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
