Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
