Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're like the curious george of whores
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
