look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
