she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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