it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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