I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize