I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
