He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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