You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
