Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
