Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
