But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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