Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
