allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
