I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
