I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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