Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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