I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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