I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.