I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
