i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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