so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
