I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
