is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
