So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she smelled like a LAN party
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
