that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
