my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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