Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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