i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news, I just burned my penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
