So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
