I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
