She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
