yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
