Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
