how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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