Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
