I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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