hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
