I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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