Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
