So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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