He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
