woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
