I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
