if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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