So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
