The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
